Some time ago, I was faced with a tough realization. I didn't love myself. I had just crawled out the other side of a painful healing process from a shitstorm of past relationship abuse and chaos that unfortunately shaped my young adulthood. I had dealt with excessive alcohol use, which was a hard thing to own up to. I had recovered truly remarkably through a bunch of emotional stuff which had taken a lot of hard work and help from incredible people wiser than I and a divine power who is more patient than words can explain. I married a complete angel on earth who had loved me endlessly through it all. But I still struggled with symptoms of post traumatic stress. I still had paralyzing anxiety. I didn't really truly love myself. I still struggled to complete basic daily tasks that most people do without thought. I would still beat myself down everyday.
It's weird, it is pretty much the norm these days to drink and party and "have fun." It's idealized everywhere you turn. It's joked about in memes and videos and "the party life" can seem so fulfilling. Funny pictures go viral throughout social media relating to excessive drinking and hating our lives etc. There is almost a comfort in the companionship of others being in the same boat and joking about it. Though it took a pretty huge knock on the head for me to realize I wanted more out of life; It took me a long time to realize that my own ideal, imaginary scenario of an evening out with a fancy outfit and a glass of champagne became anything but.
This is one of the first articles of this sort of topic I’ve really dove deep into. My paradigm around depression and addiction has been drastically changed by faith and so, when I now write to my readers, it reflects the truth of something that has shaped and transformed my future more than any of the previous life tools I would write about. Switching my style might have caused me a little fear of peoples opinions at first, but not now. My point is to always be me, be genuine and tell the truth, in hopes to always help just one person.
The truth is, I started drinking young to cover up abuse. To drown out emotion. I wanted to feel nothing, and horrific things have happened because of alcohol. Alcohol left me feeling empty. Years of shame, ruined relationships and bad choices just kinda built up as I forced them down further and further with more liquor. I didn't really ever deal with it for a long time. Depression was consistent. It's no rarity these days for millennials in particular to feel or be diagnosed with depression. I think people ignorantly argue on a comparative scale that we have no "real problems to whine about. True, most of us have food, and clean water and shelter. We generally have more than one pair of shoes. When life is put in perspective of how abundantly blessed we are, sometimes it is easier to switch our paradigms a little bit. But are we really just spoiled and lazy? or have we simply conditioned a emptiness into our society through a culture of extreme consumerism, materialism, idolatry of celebrities, displacement of wealth, inflation, poisoned food, idealization of the porn industry, manipulation of media, fear, and all of the evil things happening all around the world? Maybe? But nah, Baby Boomers.. we're not depressed, we're just spoiled and lazy.
Once I truly realized I had one life, and I was ruining it; getting rid of anxiety was essential. Letting go of all of these things listed above was a huge step. Truly believing that the only thing on earth that I have control of is my own responses to inevitable hardships. I wanted to change. Like really change, within myself. I began having divine experiences. 2 Timothy 1:7 Says, "I was not given a spirit of fear. But of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." I started believing that, and God began changing me. I became more and more convinced that miracles were real because HE was showing me miracles. He was showing me his character.
True healing, holistically, is only hard because we make it hard. We are quick to believe some things and so quick to dismiss others. What ever it is for you, My personal testimony is that my life was a disaster. I went through psychiatrists time and time again. I read enough self help books to build a library. And they worked. And I got a little better. But I never truly felt whole. The emptiness remained. Only When I allowed belief and trust in God to be bigger than the wounds that I dragged along for years was when I felt truly whole. The point is, battling the sorrow and the fear is just that; a battle. It requires constant shift of mindset, something I am only just learning.
So, I'm recently just starting to love myself. it hasn't been an easy thing for me.
I want to talk about Overcoming anxiety from my personal experience. I know its nice to have a bath and cute to have a snuggle. it really is the best. But I wanted to learn what it really means to care for yourself and your mind, soul, physical health and spirit. I needed tangible and effective tools, and all the internet had to offer me was lukewarm advice out of a cosmo mag about how mani-pedis will cure my depression. So I decided to make my own list on how I’m intentionally defeating anxiety. Please keep in mind I am in no way a licensed medical professional and you should always seek out our wonderful medical pro’s if you are struggling with depression or anxiety.
1. Pause & Reflect
“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me” -Psalm 23:4
STOP drop and roll gals, this is crucial for me in the moment of panic. If you’re like me, panic attacks come on fast and strong. We all know about practicing the pause, counting to ten etc, breathing deep etc. I’m talking about identifying the first physical signs of anxiety, and stopping in your tracks. For me it’s my heart rate. When I feel it begin to race, I ask myself: why am I feeling this way? Do I have a sound mind? Do I feel peaceful? If I feel confused and unsure, I then know I do not have a sound mind. If I feel panic, I can count the weekdays backwards. I learned that counting to ten is too easy, and therefore doesn’t necessarily pull us out of our emotional brain. When we count the weekdays backwards, it forces us into our analytical brain, therefore diffusing much of my immediate panic and allowing me to take my next steps in finding my balance.
2. Recognize the thoughts are not yours to receive.
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.”- Galatians 5:22
This principal is huge for me in overcoming anxiety. What kind of fruit is on your tree? Does your mind, heart and spirit produce love, joy, peace, kindness and display self-control? Do you believe thoughts that lead you closer to these things? Identify your thought patterns- but most importantly- compare them to the fruit you wish to bear. Am I thinking hateful things about myself and others? Am I doubting, worrying or obsessing over something out of my control? Then I am not aligned with any of the things I wish to be such as peaceful, joyous or kind. Am I speaking words of malice? Complaining? Being negative? Words have immense power. And my mouth is often in no way controlled or gentle. This mindset gives me an anchor in truth when fear tries to speak to me. I now know what it sounds like. “You are trash, no one will ever love you, you don’t deserve to live” or even “what if this happens? Then what? Then you’re screwed. It’s most likely going to destroy you. Listen to them whisper about you! You are nothing.”
Don’t receive it. Refuse to. Tell fear to get out.
Identify that anxiety comes from fear. Fear speaking is NOT the same as YOU speaking. It’s not a part of you and it doesn’t have to be. You can now choose to move in the opposite direction. Ask God for peace. Take that bath, listen to music.. write down in your journal every thought you have and reflect on it. What thoughts do you choose to believe? Out of all the stars in the sky, the thunderous, massive mountains, the trees and the bees and the beautiful, intricate delicacy of the universe- God knew he needed YOU. You are so freaking precious and full of purpose! But will you believe that next time fear speaks up? The choice is yours and that in itself is a powerful thing! It takes time, but even the tiniest seed can grow into the most gorgeous apple tree if you water it and you are patient.
3. Watch what you watch
I don’t know about you, but I find social media, the internet, television- is so full of terror, fear, perversion and hate that it’s hard for me to watch, let alone process. Think about the fact that if an earthquake took place around the world in our grandparents age, they wouldn’t hear about it until days later. Our parents generation... not until the nightly news. In this age of information overload? We literally cannot even process one crisis before we scroll down to the next. It’s whack. Let alone all of the sex standards, perverse normalizing of appalling things, violence, hate, and more. How are those of us who feel anxious over misplacing our keys supposed to process and cope with all of this?? We can’t. There is a reason for the drastic rise of anxiety and depression in young people since the rise in popularity of the smart phone around 2012. We are in sensory overload. If you are like me and take everything in and empathize- try eliminating much of what you watch from your life and replace it with productive material. I replaced my serial killer binge watch habit with educational videos on a variety of things- and the impact was tangible. I was learning productive stuff instead of validating fear. It has done wonders for me to not participate in arguments about things out of my control. Maintain your “circle of concern” which is a term I learned. It means to learn how and when to say “not my f**king problem.”
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.- Philippians 4:6-7
4.Ask yourself what you are afraid of.
Everything. That was my answer. Rejection, abandonment, the future, the past, finances, unknown outcomes.. and and and. Pull the roots up. Identify the real reason behind your fear. I’m positive you’ll see that much of the time it’s not the rude comment or the lack of help around the house... it’s much deeper. This understanding is helping me show kindness and compassion through my own struggles and it is keeping me accountable. No one is responsible for our actions no matter how much pain we feel. My struggles have hurt many of my loved ones. But love is always stronger than any word, action, power or principality on this earth. And healing is beautiful and so freakin possible! Whether it’s within yourself or within your relationships- or both, I pray for you the divine peace that Paul mentions in Philippians- the peace of God which transcends ALL understanding.
5. And repeat! These steps are ones I take daily. It takes a long time to un-become so we can become what we were meant to be in the first place. Life is full of tiny miracles. Notice them!
xx b
