Yep, you heard me. Submission. When Elisha and I got engaged 2 years ago today, I would have never thought I would say this, let alone SUBMIT to any man! What a joke! How very wrong and naive I was. Do you want a strong relationship? Want to learn to really love? Get ready to submit!
If you’re the average millennial and have made it this far without being severely triggered and blocking me, hear me out:
I was vain, selfish, self-righteous and mean. Sometimes cruel. Kinda a huge bully. I was a control freak, and get angry when things don’t go my way. How do I know this? I got married! Once we made such a big commitment to each other, we were forced to take a good look in the mirror. I’m not a fun person to live with. I make myself really hard to love sometimes.
When Elisha proposed to me in Banff, he had no idea of the sleepless nights he would spend comforting me while i was tormented in nightmares, by pain, or panic attacks. He didn’t know he would spend hours and hours breaking down my walls. He had no idea the roller coaster of emotional turmoil he was about to take on. He didn’t know my past, my trauma, my addictions. He didn’t know that I tend to project my depression onto my loved ones or that he would waste days of his life in doctors and councillors offices and hospitals. He didn’t know how angry, mean, hostile and cold I can be. Lord knows he could have and maybe even wanted to leave countless times.
Instead he made a choice to take on the role of the leader with the heart of a servant. He submitted to the promises he made. He submitted to love and to God. He submitted to me. He humbled himself time and time again. No matter what he would rather be doing, no matter the type of hellish day he had.. he has been my doctor when I’m ill, my rock, my shield when I need defence, my coach when I need encouragement, my therapist, confident, and always shows me the power of kindness, peace, devotion and love. He never left my side or swayed in his commitments. He has sacrificed his ego, wants and needs and humbled himself time again and made a choice over and over to submit to love. He is my hero. I am so proud to have such a brave, strong, loving man by my side. When someone loved me so fully, fought for me, led me though the dark, taught me to be a warrior, honoured me and proved to me that I am not in this alone, something changed in me.
And when he is still standing there when the storm is over, looking at me with brownish gold eyes like I am the most brilliant thing he has ever seen; my heart softened. I have realized the level of sacrifice required in this journey and the power of submission and humility throughout the absolute worst times. Submission isn’t a bad word, it’s a thousand little things. It’s giving up your right to be right. It’s choosing to be kind in the heat of a moment. It’s stepping back and loving someone enough to let them shine. It’s forgiveness. It’s friendship. It’s selflessness. It’s all of these seeds he’s sown that have helped me grow beyond what I ever though possible.
So the next time I’m given the opportunity to submit to this man, sacrifice selfishness and humble myself for love? You freaking betcha I will.